Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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