I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
