i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
