Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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