This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
