I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
