Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
