whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
