I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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