I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
