Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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