i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
