i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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