I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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