I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
