I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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