totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
