just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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