my being single is dangerous.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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