i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
