Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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