I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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