I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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