I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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