I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
