Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
