Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
