You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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