I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
