Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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