Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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