I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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