I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
