So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
