I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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