I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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