one might say we're banned from that church
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dicks are not precious.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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