i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
