just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
