I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
