Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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