Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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