just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
