I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can text with my tongue
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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