My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
