How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
