Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
