The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
