Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
