I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
