were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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