just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
