So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
