That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
