If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
